Compromise

We've all heard about how important it is to be able to compromise in relationships.  I agree, and I work with lots of couples on how to do just that.  But when does compromise become too much?  In other words, at what point is there so much compromise that your needs are being met?

I think all of us have both "needs" and "wants" in relationships.  It's really important to distinguish between the two.  "Needs" are qualities that you absolutely MUST have in your relationship in order to be happy.  For some people, this requires a partner who wants children (or who does not).  For others, it's sharing similar religious beliefs.  For me, if you don't like my dogs - well, that's a deal-breaker!  These are NEEDS, and they leave little room for compromise.

Then, we have lots of "wants."  Tall, dark, and handsome would be nice - but not necessary.  Maybe it would be great if you share the same taste in music or movies or food - but it's not a requirement.

With "wants," there's lots of space for give and take.  But if a relationship doesn't satisfy your "needs," then that's a serious problem.  Have you identified the distinction between needs and wants for yourself and  your relationship?  It's a crucial thing to know before making a commitment.