Never Being Childish About Children

Today, I have a guest blogger. Trevor Munday is a marketer for Vanquis Bank, http://www.vanquis.co.uk/, has an interest in psychology and been happily married for ten years and counting.


It seems in today's society, things often happen in reverse: couples have kids, move in together and finally get married. Sometimes these relationships work out, but statistics would suggest that for the majority, this is too much intensity on a relationship at an early stage of its development. Although couples can stay together for the sake of children, a relationship often suffers if the participants feel that the focus is on children, and not on each other. The best types of relationships stem from a mutual admiration that is furthered by the addition of children; this is also the most stable environment in which to raise a child.

Although it may be a "red flag" to some to be discussing children at the onset of a relationship, children can quickly become a deal-breaker further into a marriage. Most men will not want to be tied into such an important decision early into a relationship, but being able to discuss aspirations, thoughts and practical considerations shows maturity and pragmatism. Even if one doesn't feel ready for the responsibility of children earlier on in life, people's attitudes change along with their social circumstances, and as more friends in your immediate circles start to have kids themselves, this can add to the pressure a couple may feel to have children of their own.

This needs to be a joint decision, if in a situation where one partner is fervently trying for children when the other secretly does not want any, calamity and relationship disaster are sure to follow. Open discussion, even agreement to a timetable (reviewing the domestic finances and job/time balance in one or two years) sounds clinical, but is an intelligent discussion and a responsible attitude to have when looking to bring a new life into the world.

Ensuring that this life-changing decision is a frequent discussion point (as opposed to being a bomb that is dropped at a critical moment) ensures that emotions and feelings will be even, and less of the usual reactions that we frequently fall into when confronting difficult decisions, or ones that potentially involve a great deal of change cause conflict and argument. Even if things don't happen according to plan, having had the issue in mind for a discussion point will leave both partners in a much better state to cope emotionally and intellectually with the preparation and arrival of a new child.